livingmyths | 087: Better

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087: Better

It's good to be back at work. I think the Library missed me. I felt like it sort of followed me around all day, which I know sounds silly, but everytime I turned around something it knew I would like was right there.

I'm up here on the roof now, enjoying the air and the freedom and the not being afraid.

Everything seems so much more clear. It's kind of interesting.

Thomas...? I'm so sorry. I know I said I wouldn't with anyone else so we could see what happened, but I thought it was - by the time I realized... I... it was too late. I didn't mean to.

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With Thomas you mean? Sometimes promises get broken even when you don't mean to and sometimes they make a friendship or whatever stronger.

That was really wrong of him to do. In some ways that's common in my world, parents find out their kid is a mutant and they tell them all sorts of lies and bad things. It's not fair that it happens.

Yes. Well... we'll see.

Yeah. I always knew he hated me, but I never could see that maybe that meant he lied to me.

I'm sure it'll be okay and stuff.

It's hard to believe that someone you love can lie to you with malicious intents.

I hope so.

Yes. I don't understand why people lie anyway.

Sometimes people lie to protect their friends and sometimes they do it just to be mean to others.

I guess. I don't do it, though.

That's probably a good thing, it's better to be honest with people. Sometimes even when you lie to protect people it turns out badly.

I think so. It hurts to be lied to.

It really does most of the time.

Which is why I don't. I don't want to hurt people.

I wish I was more like you in some ways, there are people I'd want to hurt.

Why?

I guess because...I hate them.

Oh.

Like my dad hated me?

No, not like that at all. I hate Mojo because he does horrible things to people, I hate the Marauders because they massacred friends and people I knew, I hate Ogun because he made me into something I never wanted to be, I hate Belasco for what he did to my friend, and a whole number of other things. I hate them because they hurt people I love.

I guess I understand that.

That's what my dad thought about me, so I guess that makes sense. Even if he was wrong.

He thought you'd hurt someone he'd loved? But you were just a kid! That doesn't make sense. Those people that I hate, I saw them kill or try to kill my friends or me. I fought them to protect people, at least I have reason. Your dad didn't.

I think something went wrong in his head when my mother died.

And it hurt so much it had to be somebody's fault and I was the only one there was.

That doesn't make it right or acceptable. At least you know the truth now, that you're a really nice girl who didn't do anything wrong.

No, it wasn't okay.

But it doesn't hurt as much if I think that his brain was sick.

Yes. I'm pretty good and it wasn't my fault. I just wish I'd been older and I could have done something.

Dwelling on what could have been or what you could have done won't help anything and it'll just make you feel bad. I know.

It's new, though. Even though kind of really it's old.

I have to look at it for a while before I can put it away.

I don't mean to forget it, I just meant that sometimes I sit around and think about how if I'd only done this things might have gone differently and it hurts to do that.

Oh, I don't think anything stays in my head very long. I get all sidetracked.

I guess that's good in a way.

	
		OSZAR »

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