livingmyths: (Beautiful pensive side)
livingmyths ([personal profile] livingmyths) wrote2009-05-04 06:24 pm
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087: Better

It's good to be back at work. I think the Library missed me. I felt like it sort of followed me around all day, which I know sounds silly, but everytime I turned around something it knew I would like was right there.

I'm up here on the roof now, enjoying the air and the freedom and the not being afraid.

Everything seems so much more clear. It's kind of interesting.

Thomas...? I'm so sorry. I know I said I wouldn't with anyone else so we could see what happened, but I thought it was - by the time I realized... I... it was too late. I didn't mean to.
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[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
It's new, though. Even though kind of really it's old.

I have to look at it for a while before I can put it away.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
I don't mean to forget it, I just meant that sometimes I sit around and think about how if I'd only done this things might have gone differently and it hurts to do that.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I don't think anything stays in my head very long. I get all sidetracked.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
I guess that's good in a way.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
I'm trying to learn to make it work for me.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
Does it not always work for you?

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Losing track of things and being all scattered? Not always so much.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't realize that's what you meant by it. I guess that really wouldn't work well.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I'm trying to make it work. Some days I do better than others.

But in some ways it's good because bad things I can put away somewhere else and leave them alone most of the time.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Just keep trying, that's all you can do.

That would be good to be able to do.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Yes. I think so.

It is. But you have to be careful not to just shove things away to hide them.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Because if you just do that, sometimes the things all get loose when you don't want them to.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
That's true, but also it makes you stronger to face bad things.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
If you look at them and don't just hide them away and pretend they aren't real.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
That's how you have to do it, eventually a person has to face the bad things. I'd love to be able to hide from them forever though.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
It's too bad life can't just be happy isn't it? I mean there are happy times of course but I wish there were more of those to balance out the sad ones.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
That would be nice.

But I've been happier here than I've ever been.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
That's good! At least this place is good for something. You deserve some happiness.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
You think so?

I don't know about deserve, but I like it.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
Of course you do. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I think everyone deserves to be happy, so in that sense...

But I'm not anything special, Kitty. I'm just me.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
Not everyone does, everyone deserves the chance though.

The fact that you're you makes you special.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Doesn't that make everyone special?

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