livingmyths: (Beautiful pensive side)
livingmyths ([personal profile] livingmyths) wrote2009-05-04 06:24 pm
  • Add Memory
  • Share This Entry
Entry tags:

087: Better

It's good to be back at work. I think the Library missed me. I felt like it sort of followed me around all day, which I know sounds silly, but everytime I turned around something it knew I would like was right there.

I'm up here on the roof now, enjoying the air and the freedom and the not being afraid.

Everything seems so much more clear. It's kind of interesting.

Thomas...? I'm so sorry. I know I said I wouldn't with anyone else so we could see what happened, but I thought it was - by the time I realized... I... it was too late. I didn't mean to.
Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:14 am (UTC)(link)
No, not like that at all. I hate Mojo because he does horrible things to people, I hate the Marauders because they massacred friends and people I knew, I hate Ogun because he made me into something I never wanted to be, I hate Belasco for what he did to my friend, and a whole number of other things. I hate them because they hurt people I love.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
I guess I understand that.

That's what my dad thought about me, so I guess that makes sense. Even if he was wrong.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
He thought you'd hurt someone he'd loved? But you were just a kid! That doesn't make sense. Those people that I hate, I saw them kill or try to kill my friends or me. I fought them to protect people, at least I have reason. Your dad didn't.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
I think something went wrong in his head when my mother died.

And it hurt so much it had to be somebody's fault and I was the only one there was.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
That doesn't make it right or acceptable. At least you know the truth now, that you're a really nice girl who didn't do anything wrong.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
No, it wasn't okay.

But it doesn't hurt as much if I think that his brain was sick.

Yes. I'm pretty good and it wasn't my fault. I just wish I'd been older and I could have done something.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
Dwelling on what could have been or what you could have done won't help anything and it'll just make you feel bad. I know.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
It's new, though. Even though kind of really it's old.

I have to look at it for a while before I can put it away.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
I don't mean to forget it, I just meant that sometimes I sit around and think about how if I'd only done this things might have gone differently and it hurts to do that.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I don't think anything stays in my head very long. I get all sidetracked.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
I guess that's good in a way.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
I'm trying to learn to make it work for me.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
Does it not always work for you?

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Losing track of things and being all scattered? Not always so much.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't realize that's what you meant by it. I guess that really wouldn't work well.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I'm trying to make it work. Some days I do better than others.

But in some ways it's good because bad things I can put away somewhere else and leave them alone most of the time.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Just keep trying, that's all you can do.

That would be good to be able to do.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Yes. I think so.

It is. But you have to be careful not to just shove things away to hide them.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Because if you just do that, sometimes the things all get loose when you don't want them to.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
That's true, but also it makes you stronger to face bad things.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
If you look at them and don't just hide them away and pretend they aren't real.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
That's how you have to do it, eventually a person has to face the bad things. I'd love to be able to hide from them forever though.

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com 2009-05-05 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
It's too bad life can't just be happy isn't it? I mean there are happy times of course but I wish there were more of those to balance out the sad ones.

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:09 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:22 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:25 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:30 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] phasedcat.livejournal.com - 2009-05-05 02:39 (UTC) - Expand
Flat | Top-Level Comments Only