livingmyths: (Default)
livingmyths ([personal profile] livingmyths) wrote2008-11-22 08:35 pm

038: Confessions

I'm kind of crazy and... broken.

I don't always know what's real and what isn't.

I have to carry things with me all the time to feel safe. Stupid things. things I know can't do anything, but without them I get so panicked I can't function.

I wonder all the time about the things I know

Being here... so much of what I believe has been challenged and it's so hard. Even when it's good it hurts.

Am I responsible for my mother's death? I ran instead trying to help her. Am I a whore for the things I've done? I let people have sex with me to get things I needed for me or the little ones. Could I have saved more of the children? I watched so many of them die...

If so much of what I knew is lies, so much of what I based me on, then who am I?

Am I real? Am I even here or have I finally lost all hold on reality and created this crazy imaginary City in my head, while my body is locked up in some crazy ward?

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[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
I'm just... sad, Shin. But I'll be okay.

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[identity profile] bloodygoodluck.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
We're all a little broken, Rain.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
Sometimes I think I'm all smashed into little pieces and that I will never be able to put them back together.

And when people here really realize it... they'll hate me too.

I don't want you to hate me, when you know how... everything I am.

[identity profile] bloodygoodluck.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
I won't hate you, Rain.

You've seen how broken I am too.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
But those aren't your memories. You just have to carry someone else's.

I did my bad things.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
...

Well, you've always been so very good to me. Whatever happened before you are a very good person.

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[identity profile] caf-pow-girl.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
You're totally real and one of the best people I know.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not so sure of that, Abby, but I really love you for saying it.

[identity profile] caf-pow-girl.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
I love you too. Don't you forget that.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
You're the only one who ever says that to me. I like it and I won't forget.

[identity profile] caf-pow-girl.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Good. I don't want you to forget it. That would just suck.

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[identity profile] unhexed.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
You seem real enough to me, if that means much from a stranger.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 03:54 am (UTC)(link)
It's very good of you to say, thank you.

Of course, that might be exactly the sort of thing my crazy mind would make up to keep me thinking all this was real.

[identity profile] unhexed.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
If it weren't, your subconscious would erase your doubt, I think. Mind-games like that smooth over the edges, like how in dreams you don't think as much about why things are how they are, you're just there. It's when you still question yourself you know you haven't gone over the edge.

In my limited experience.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 02:54 pm (UTC)(link)
I hadn't thought of it that way.

I hope you're right.

[identity profile] premiumedheart.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
We're all a little broken, I think. Some just more than others. Yet you seem real enough to me, Rain. We're still strangers but...you're you and if there's anything I can do to help, feel free to get me.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-23 03:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you. That means a lot.

Are you cursed today as well?

[identity profile] premiumedheart.livejournal.com 2008-11-24 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
You're welcome.

No, it doesn't look like I've been cursed today. Not yet, at least.

[identity profile] livingmyths.livejournal.com 2008-11-24 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, that's good.