livingmyths | 070: [Accidental Video Post]

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070: [Accidental Video Post]

Rain is sitting curled up on a rock deep, deep in the woods, very far from her own home. Her backpack is beside her, her batteries held tightly in one hand, as she stares off into the trees. If one were to listen carefully, you could probably hear the low whisper of a chant.

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"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Maybe that's part of how special you are. You help people see things in the best possible way."

"I wish I could believe that's true," she said quietly. "But lately I seem to be messing up all over."

"I find that hard to believe is true," he said, giving her another reassuring hug. "I think you sometimes blame yourself for things when you shouldn't."

"Not this time," she said quietly, still holding on. "I... he said I was wrong not to tell him things and that now he doesn't want to be around me anymore."

Tony gave a small sigh. Whatever it was he doubted that it was Rain's fault.

"Rain, sometimes people expect things of other people that they shouldn't," he said. "People are raised very different or they have different worlds and experiences and what one person thinks should have been said isn't universal."

"It doesn't matter anyway, I suppose," she said, staring up at the stars. He won't want to talk to me anymore so it won't matter if I do things wrong. You don't care if I do things wrong."

"It matters to me," Tony said softly. "It matters very much to me if you think you're a bad person. Because you're not."

She hid her face against him and just let herself cry.

"I don't want to be a bad person. I don't want to hurt people."

Tony gently stroked her hair and held her, murmuring calming noises to her. Sometimes she was so much like a child.

"I know," he said. "But sometimes... sometimes people want to get hurt and they look for excuses to do it."

She nodded. "It just makes me feel so bad, even though I know it shouldn't."

"That's one of the reasons you're such a good person," he said.

"I wish... I wish I wasn't broken."

"I wish you could see that you're not anymore broken than anyone else," Tony said softly.

"Big girls, grownups, they don't hide under beds when they're sad and scared. They don't need stupid things like batteries or screwdrivers to make them feel like they won't fly apart into a million pieces," Rain told him. "But I do."

"They need other things that are just as silly," Tony reassured her. "Do you know what most women do when they're really upset? They curl up in bed, eat ice cream, and watch movies. And they need things like important jobs and expensive clothes to make them feel like they won't fly apart into a million pieces."

She looked up at him. "Those things don't make sense to me either. Except the bed. But I'd rather be under where it's safer. I never really got to watch movies and I don't think I've ever had ice cream. And clothes and jobs...? But I guess if it helps them."

Thomas had said he'd show her movies. But she was pretty sure he never would now.

"I understand you," Tony said, tilting her chin up to look at him. "I understand that you're a very good person. I understand that you don't want to hurt people. I understand that you make a lot of people happy."

Rain searched his eyes and could hear that he truly believed what he said. Her eyes filled and she nodded. "i'm glad you know."

"Good, I just hope that you know it too," he said, stroking her hair some more.

"I try," she said.

And wished, not for the first time, that things could be different. That she could be different.

"I know you do."

Tony also wished that things could be different. He wished that he could help Rain see how she special she was.

"Will you do something for me?" he asked.

"If you want me to," she said, not bothering to ask what it was.

This was Tony. If he wanted her to do something she'd try to do it even if it made her miserable.

"Will you look into my head more closely?" he asked, not surprised at her lack of hesitation.

"I like feeling you in there," he said. "I feel... better when you're in there."

She tilted her head, looking at him curiously. "You want me to be in your head?"

Tony gave a nod.

"Sometimes I can tell when you're focusing a bit more than usual," he explained. "It's nice. It makes me feel closer to you and I like that."

	
		OSZAR »

070: [Accidental Video Post]

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